Devoted

I will not let your gray flat notes drown out my colored song
My melody is too sweet and the journey’s far too long

Too long to let you influence the state of my soul
To grant you the privilege to impact something that you have no right to control

I will not let your lifeless words enter my head
I'll choose to write my own verse; to sing my own words instead

I am not just an option or a second choice
I deserve to be heard with intention and I’ll make you hear my voice

And so your acidity won’t be the cause of my demise
In fact when you try to knock me down, I will be sure to always rise

Because I defy isolation or uncertainty from digging its weary hole
Now I’m the only one that I will allow to control

I am quite tired of giving strength to those who have no right
To those who like to see others suffer, to those filled with spite

From here on out I’ll determine the condition of my heart and mind
I refuse to fall victim, to be deprived and confined

I'm no longer held in the grip of passion and emotion
I am committed to me first; I will be MY ONLY TRUE DEVOTION

Investing in your own assurance,

giving you freedom from self-doubt.

Committing to living

your own life,

being personally devout.

Feeling your own sense of gravity,

accepting the force within.

Seeking illumination,

giving visibility to what lies underneath your skin.

Realizing your limitless future,

breathing intensity with each thought.

Believing in your lifetime career,

finding joy

WHEREVER it is to be sought.

Setting Sail

Waiting for the dawn unto that single day.

Waiting for my ship to return from being led astray.

Waiting for the quieting of my tumultuous soul.

Waiting for the union that will enliven and make me one again whole.

Waiting for the surface scratches on my spirit to depart.

Waiting for the scattered fragments to settle in my heart.

Waiting for a single glimpse of destiny in a boundless sea.

Waiting for the treasure chest whilst holding the key.

Waiting for that ship to finally set sail.

Waiting to cast my face towards the path that the winds chose to unveil.

Mirror Reflections

I can't escape the feeling that what we see in others are just mirror reflections of our own selves. Images of our own lives projected upon another life. Images of our fears, desires, hopes and dreams covering an unrelated screen, obstructing what really lies beneath. Our own ego propagated from our being unto another. What we like...What we hate...What we love and loath. These things are transformed and manifested into our view of others. These manifestations, our dislikes and preferences, appear as things that we like and dislike in other people. And so what we like and dislike in others are no more than clues to our own shortcomings and successes. Clues about our own insecurities and assurances. Acknowledging this biased distortion of others should help us to look inward and reflect when we encounter annoyances. If we did this when we come face to face with what disturbs us...with what agitates us and with what subjectively affects us then it would lend to an enlightened understanding of both reflections. If we paid more attention to others, we would learn more about ourselves and if we paid more attention to ourselves we are bound to learn more about others.

Holiday Blues

Long summer nights truncated by short winter days; the boastful sun bowing to rain clouds and an early starlight. Days shrinking, while nights exponentially grow.

As the days change and begin to shorten it is easy to let the chill seep into our spirits…to let the cold temporarily freeze our souls. We all know the autumn and winter months are notorious for inducing depression and dismay. Infamous for imprinting seasonal melancholy and producing drawn out periods of stagnation.

Just because the temperature is getting lower, doesn’t mean we have to follow suit. We have to fight the urge to plunge into a foggy sedation…we have to find a way to weather the storm. Perhaps, what we need most of all is a simple reminder that life is not so bad... that we should just be happy to be alive and well. In our hectic daily lives we tend to get caught up in a web of monotonous repetition. And from time to time we regretfully do not shine light onto the aspects of our lives that bring in real joy. This coupled with the general glum feeling of the sun setting before the seven O’clock news, often produces an unenlightened, unmotivated, and uninterested state of being.

To ensure that we do not accompany the dreary and the drab we need to take stock of our joys. We should really focus on WHAT and WHO causes us to feel good and surround ourselves with those people and things that bring joy into our lives. We conversely need to quickly shove out those things and people that take away from our joy. Completely let go of those things and people who deduct from our positivity…as they have no real place in our lives.

This season I refuse to let in gloom. I refuse to sit around wasting the season away. I refuse to let my spirits decrease as my wallet does leading up to the holidays. I refuse to become another victim of the Holiday Blues! No thanks Elvis, you can keep your Blue Christmas. I prefer to dedicate this time to celebrate life. A time to be thankful. A time to be surrounded by loved ones. A time to reflect and to look resolutely at the future. A time for pure, simple, unstoppable Joy.

Celestial Love

Lonely moon,
separated from its shinning sun;
detached and isolated...
waiting for eternity to forget its own midnight.

Lonely moon,
wishing to absorb just one drop of sun.
Hoping for that transitional moment from dark into light...
for their embrace.

Lonely moon,
exposed and idle...
wanting warm radiance to be cast upon its own swarthy complexion.

Lonely moon,
yielding to the suns gravity...and longing for dawn.

A different lesson from abroad

Head bowed down and hanging low...
she quietly steps into your view.
There's a child in her arms
who silently looks up...
and pleads to you.

With cracked hands, matted hair, and a weary heart.
She's a foreigner and a single mother...
she was already behind from the very start.
From person to person she sheepishly makes her way.
With her hungry eyes lowered,
clinging on to thoughts of a brighter day.

She steps into your view...
She's right in front of you
and yet you pretend not to notice or stare.
You don't even offer a friendly smile
to ease her lonely humble despair.

Some frown, roll their eyes, and continue on as before.
The majority erased her existence
the moment she walked through the door.
Others in their designer brands look away with feelings of disgust...
"She must be a lazy bum."
"She's dirty."
"She's definitely no one to trust."

Is it individual apathy, parents, society…
who can we blame?
These questions are useless to her,
to her it's all the same.
She is more concerned with how to keep her baby warm.
Or where they will seek shelter during the next storm.

She steps into your view... could you not just spare a dime?
Or the simplicity of human acknowledgment…
would THAT take up too much of your precious time?

All alone and faced with noses turned up to her from the upper caste.
In school she dreamt of being a lawyer,
it's funny how things change so fast.
Far far away from her dreams from long ago,
she begs and borrows...
caught up in a vicious cycle...
she consults a bottle to ease her sorrows.
Sleeping on the ground out in the freezing cold.
This is certainly not the 'happily ever after' like her daddy had told.
She searches for work with all her possessions in a sack.
She steps into your view...
it might be just one woman,
but there's thousands just like her on the same dead end track.

Do you really think the elite give a damn where she sleeps?
Why she weeps?
Or if her baby eats?
Fuck no!
But be rest assured… they will sleep warm in their Egyptian cotton sheets.
It's funny that people say… "If there's a will there's a way"…
And yet millions go hungry everyday.
With proper distribution of resources
there is also a HUGE drought in human compassion.
A sickening scarcity of humanity…
can't anyone offer a ration?
People spending thousands on petty shit, like what's in fashion
while others struggle just to see another day.
Someone tell me there is a solution to this dismay.
I am convinced that there must be another way!

Because there is a grotesque difference between the classes.
Minorities, women, single parents, and the elderly fill up the poor masses
The rich get richer
and the poor are screwed over at an alarming rate.
And yet there is no uprising,
no questions asked,
not even a single debate.
How is no one else irate!?!
Can no one stand up straight!
Demand answers,
some equality,
and not just sit around and wait!

Realize that the rich parade around...(smiling and taunting)
on the backs of the poor.
And that it's hard to pick your self up
when you are tied down to the floor.

Understand that there is NOT a lack of resources,
that is for sure.
Realize that the rich get fatter as they spend millions
on plastic surgery, caviar, cars, and things that don't really matter.
Realize that there is power in numbers
and as a whole the middle majority is strong.
But without demands the upper class minority
will continue to have absolute authority.
And this woman who steps into your view,
will continue to cry...
And the millions, just like her
around the world without basic necessities will continue to die.

But for now...
She's STILL standing there in your view.
Thoughts running through your head...
you might as well just follow suit and blankly stare right on through.

Will anyone ever give a true voice to her muzzled pain?
And if they did...
would anyone else listen
or would it all just be in vain?

ALL TOO MANY...

All too many are chasing phantom shadows of their future lives. People who are just marching through life, slowly gasping and choking to catch their breath, just to find themselves once again devoid of air.

All too many are scarcely sustained; like hollow trees with naked branches, their blossoms un-bloomed, baring nonexistent spoiled fruit.

All too many have abandoned humanity and are like haunted rooms; empty spaces with cob-webbed corners and dusty hearts. With glazed eyes that are only windows to one starving soul. With parched tongues, heavy and unable to articulate a single syllable of significance.

All too many are unable to shed their cocoon and are unwilling to live life, settling instead for mere existence. All too many appear to be detached from the world, uprooted, and drowning in a shallow empty pool of concentrated self.

All too many are emotionally anorexic and vividly blind, seeing only what comfortably settles upon their immediate horizon...nothing more and sometimes less.

All too many are poor of soul and rich of thoughtless greed. They are withdrawn and content to be spiritually bankrupt and heavily invested in the dying market of ME.

All too many are ALL TOO MANY and sadly all too many are not the ALL TOO FEW.

Simplistic

The pale turquoise moon dripped softly through the sheer curtains like pearly beads of water dripping off a tender vernal leaf descending ever so gently onto the fertile bed bellow, where she waited for him in the illuminated night with a more intense desire than the parched fields long for the nourishment of a late affectionate summer rain.

Appraisal

What gives meaning to my life?

…

What fuels my actual being?

…

What makes me happy and feel radiant?

…

What makes my life all THE MORE worth living?

_____________

How often do you actually stop throughout your day or week or month or even a year to identify and meditate upon the factors that add worth to to your life? I would like to think that we do this often. That we all think about what makes our life truly worth living. And that we constantly question our well being. BUT unfortunately...I don't think it happens as often as it should. I actually think that the daily grind has beaten us into conformity and that we seldom ever stop to assess our happiness.

I am one such example. I was relaxing and reading a book and these questions popped into my head. **POP** What gives meaning to my life? **POP** What and who makes me truly happy? **POP** (It was just like a cartoon when the dialogue bubble bursts onto the screen)

So I began to address these questions and you know what? ….I ACTUALLY had to stop and think more!!! I had to pause and ponder and put additional thought into these questions, BECAUSE I had not properly acknowledged these essential questions before in my own mind.

I would have hoped that the substance of value, meaning, and definition of my own life would be readily available upon my own tongue. Sadly, it was not.

So I put a halt to my reading and began to reflect… But I could not get past the initial road block. WHY did I even have to give a second glance to these questions? I thought I was “in-tune” with myself. Then it came to me…

From time to time our day-to-day life rubs directly against those key facets in our lives that actually provide us with meaning (with the ability to hone in on our happiness). There are so many competing factors in our daily lives (work, obligations, mortgage, appointments, etc) that we eventually allow them to blur our ability to recognize the beauty and vitality that is woven into EVERY SINGLE FIBER of our existence.

One example…The climb up the professional ladder. The desire to slave away at work for years upon years to hopefully one day MAKE IT TO THE TOP. This is engrained into our being from a tender age. Now I know one is expected to pursue their dreams (this is a positive characteristic) BUT IT CAN directly shade the light of the real meaning of life. It can take the focus off of the things that actually add happiness to our lives. And so building meaningful relationships, sharing hearts, and seeking a comfortable identity often takes back seat to years of schooling, preparations, meetings, money, late lonely nights, overtime, classes, briefcases, suits, and salary. How is it that we allow ourselves to neglect the radiance of TRUE grandeur of our life for the quest of a 401k and better stock options? As a child we could clearly see what made us really happy and we held tight to those treasures. So at what point in our life do we shift our attention from beauty to business?

Perhaps this is just the fate of a capitalistic society. Just a simple result of the world we live in. HOWEVER, this diversion of our attention is the VERY root of our problems and cannot be lightly shrugged away as just societal conditions. There are millions of people all around us that are unhappy and unsatisfied with their life…because somewhere along the way they have lost sight of their significance. Through the pursuit of power they neglected their own pursuit of happiness.

A GUIDE TO BEING HUMAN

Watching the news, observing people on the street, hearing stories, interacting with loved ones...

Look around and you will see that people EVERYWHERE are really just living half awake. They are "living," but they are not fully AWAKE. Why is this? What can excuse such laziness for life? To me, it is like sleepwalking right through life. Why would you want to do that? Why would you want to hit the snooze button on the most precious gift we have? I personally want to breathe, and move, and FEEL!

The answer is that quite simply many people just forget how to live. They forget how to treat others, how to create relationships worth sharing and a life worth living. And sometimes I think there are those people that have never learned...hopefully some day they will learn how to be HUMAN. I might be only a half of a century in age, but I can at least offer up my knowledge of what makes me feel like the BEST human that I can be. A sort of...Guide book or users manual. Just one person's perspective of how to be a real human.

Be
patient and kind
make sure to think with an open mind.
Be
unique and true.
Remember your past
and never cease to be COMPLETELY you.

Have confidence,
walk tall, and be proud.
NEVER be afraid to speak up
and to stand out of the crowd.

Thirst
for more knowledge...
learn, think and read.
Your mind is a garden
that you must continually feed.

Always be
positive and take action.
Self-less acts give the most satisfaction.
Do
those things that others tell you cannot be done,
all the while smile
and have fun.

Be
thankful and appreciate.
Things could always be worse
so love your own fate.
Have compassion,
be peaceful and aware.
Take risks,
dream,
do,
DARE!

Remember
that all pain will eventually subside.
It's better to wear scars that prove you tried.
Life is too short,
so try to leave yours with a lasting impression.
NEVER use love with discretion.

Say
what you mean and mean what you say.
Understand
that everyone is entitled to follow their own way.
Expect less and give more.
Surround yourself
with those people who hold you and help you to soar.

Teach
others how to love, laugh and live.
It is a virtue to be able to forgive.
Have pure acceptance,
break through just being able to tolerate.
Never permit injustice or hate.

Loosen up,
Relax and enjoy each day.
Dance, sing, run, jump,
smile and play.
Love eagerly and with no reservation.
Be honest
and speak your heart without hesitation.

Stand up for your beliefs
and never waiver to do what you think is right.
Be the voice of those who cannot put up a fight.
Know yourself
and cultivate your soul.
You are the only factor in this crazy world that you can control.
Try, try, and then…try again.
It is okay to lose a couple of times before you win.

Listen.
And not just with your ears,
but with your heart.
If you don't make time to find pleasure,
then start.

Have faith
in yourself, believe, and trust.
Even when you have been burnt this is a must.
Each day is new.
So have good intentions and follow through.
Invest care and time
into each family member and friend.
Remember those who are there for you in the end.

Share your energy,
spirit and light.
Enter a dark room and make it bright.

Spain-->lessons learned

Prior to leaving Madrid a good friend of mine asked me what I had learned from my year in Spain. And I surprisingly had NO answer. I just blankly stared at him as a million and one thoughts ran through my head. At the moment I was caught off guard. But finally, here is the answer to your question.

After a year in Spain learning, growing, experiencing, and exploring there have been MANY lessons that I have learned. ... Some serious and others well, not so serious...some short and simple and some longer life lessons...all are part of the journey.

• The mullet is alive and well. One fashion disaster is another persons' idea of JET SETTIN!

• Opening yourself to other people can be dangerous, as you are allowing variables that you have absolutely NO control over to see the uncovered version of the ONLY variable you DO have control over.

• Even in light of the previous lesson...it is necessary to open yourself to others to share your soul, to learn more about yourself (often times you learn a great deal about yourself through other people), and also to give others a more likely opportunity to share their soul.

• Animals make different noises in different countries. Try to explain "Bark, bark" to a three year old who says, "Pero...el perro dice gau gau."

• Sometimes it is necessary to NOT THINK!!! This is especially true when you need to feel.

• No matter how healthy people say olive oil is...it can and WILL make you fat.

• Life is easier when you just smile, loosen up and dedicate your life to just living.
  

• "I'll meet you in an hour" actually translates VERY differently from English to Spanish. In Spanish it really means, "I am currently occupied with something else and have no intentions on making it on time, but I will just agree with you to make things easier at this moment, take my sweet ass time, and see you in 2.5 hours."

• Better alone than in bad company.

• You can survive on the Spanish diet of wine, cheese, and bread.

• Traveling gives words to the pictures that run in your head.
  

• Being humble is an important lesson, although it is sometimes hard to swallow...especially when taught by a nine year old.

• People love meat and potatoes EVERYWHERE and for ANY meal.

• A free drink is never free, it comes along with the price of awkward conversation, or costly regret for accepting.

• How appropriate is it that I try to fit into a place where many are trying to be like "me."

• There are ignorant and close minded people lurking in every corner of the world...BEWARE.

• People from other countries blow the U.S. out of the water when it comes to learning languages. For real!!! Three or four languages?? Really now?!!! I am trying to get ONE language mastered.

• A lesson on finding yourself--I left to Europe to "find myself." Ok, now we all try this. Try to discover who we are. Try to improve, to learn and to grow. But here's the catch...it's not like one day you are going to look and just suddenly find it all there! This is not a fucking easter egg hunt! You will not find yourself laying in the grass behind the tree or in a pastel basket. It's not that simple. You and I are deeper than that. It's more like trying to find the cure for cancer. There's daily work, evaluations, constant testing, and relapses. You need to work at it and take your time. It's a looong drawn out process that will take years and years...but it is all done for the hope of a cure...the hope of a better you.

• The Spanish have it down right! Siestas, long mid day breaks, maximum social interaction, and tapas. Where could you go wrong with that? Of all the customs that were transposed into the "The American way of life" why didn't the U.S. pick up on these traditions?
• Kindness is a magnet. It can be seen through your actions, your words, and even the way you smile. This is both a blessing and COULD be a curse. Sometimes magnets attract that which we do not intend to attract. Ultimately, if you are kind and aware of your magnetism you should have no problems.

• People can pick an American woman out of a crowd by her thighs...yes...they are different.

• No matter how pissed off you are while walking 2 miles to work IN THE POURING RAIN, you cannot help but laugh out loud when the song "Make it rain" comes on your shuffle list. I want to laugh like that more often!

• Talent aside, the performers on metros should be awarded money JUST for being able to play an instrument and maintain their balance on a moving metro. Now THAT'S talent!
  

• Madrid can party!!! A night out in Madrid can happen at any time, any day of the week and will with out fail last until 6:00am the following day.

• People come in and out of our lives like the sea comes into the shore. Some we wish would be swept out to sea just as quickly as they came in and others we wish to hold on to and stay awhile on our shore.

I see no changes

Hey, did you know that Michael Jackson reportedly was not the biological father of his children? Oh... you knew that already.

Let's see here...what else in in the news? Well... did you hear that Farrah Faucet died at age 62 after a three year battle with anal cancer? Or that Michael Jackson's father was not mentioned in his will? Right, you already knew that as well.

Hmm, did you know that over two and a half million men, women, and children in Darfur have been ripped out of their homes and forced to flee their land in search of food and shelter? Or that for over six years rebel groups in Sudan have attacked villages raping women, killing men, and converting children into their ranks with no real opposition from national or international agencies?

Or how about that 25,000 children die each day due to poverty? Or that around 1 billion people in developing countries have inadequate access to water? Or that every year up to 800,000 humans are trafficked across international borders to be forced into labor or sexual exploitation? Hmmm... I see... didn't know about those facts? Well, you are not alone. Actually it is quite contrary. It seems that many people in developed nations know very little (or chose to ignore) about these facts even though they are readily available. HOWEVER, when asked about celebrities, movies, or television I can guarantee that most people WILL know the facts, the figures, and the trivia.

The recent death of pop icon Micheal Jackson has really opened my eyes to the disturbing trend in our society to fixate on celebrities, reality tv shows, clothing styles and other superficial matters while remaining rather unaware about REAL world issues that actually impact large quantities of people on a daily basis. The other day I wanted to watch the news to get an update on the situation in Honduras because I was concerned about a good friend of mine and the well being of her and her family. As I flipped through the 150 plus channels the only news channel that was broadcasting ANYTHING about the escalating situation in Honduras was a Mexican News station. Fox, CNN, NBC, and all the other stations were too preoccupied with the four day prior death of Michael to air a short segment about an impending national crisis. THAT IS INSANE TO ME AND MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!!!

Perhaps it is I that is not in touch with the world and what people value. Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps I need to reassess my own values. But it seems like such a waste of time to brew over such trivial matters as what Michael Jackson left in his will and to whom and the speculated reasoning behind his decisions. Come on now...how is THAT information going to help or impact anyone outside of the Jackson family? HOW!? Well, the answer is simple...IT IS NOT! Now I think I better understand why there are not more positive changes in our world. Why there are not more people calling for change and demanding action. Because there are so many people sedated by the trivial bullshit that is placed in front of us. Because the masses tune in and obsess over ONE death...24 hours a day...seven days a week. Look I guess what I am trying to say is, if 1/16 of the people that pay attention to the diluted garbage media that is placed before our over-eager eyes actually focused 1/4 of their attention to LARGER WORLD ISSUES then perhaps we could actually make changes!

In your eyes

Desire.

It is the Ignition of one small eager fire

With just one match, one flicker, and one wick

There is an explosive moment where the kindling is devoured quick

And all that remains, staring back at you is the solitary spark

The modest flame begins to breathe and overtake the immense dark

Casting a glint and glow of vitality on the walls of your soul

Once given oxygen it will take complete control

And in your eyes there is a burning…

In your chest there is a beating…

there is a deep begging within

It’s asking…It’s pleading…And praying for you to give in

This Desire, this feeling of fire

Charging you

Challenging you

Creating an evocation of pure sin

It becomes seemingly impossible to douse that one flame

Instead the fire lives,

rising and raising it's calling out your name

Producing passion, pushing and possessing all in its path

Provoking sensations with a SUFFOCATING WRATH

Desire

The heat is rising higher and higher

Scorching...Seducing… And screaming words filled with intoxicating fumes

Waiting for the expression of its heat

as it holds you under its flickering spell that consumes

Gripping your every being like bare flesh to barbed wire

Until you are dripping in its existence

DESIRE.

PROVOKE

For a long time I did not want to believe that it was true. In fact, I outright REFUSED to believe that it was true. I denied the allegations when others repeatedly tried to beat into my head the opposite of what my heart wanted to hear. I wanted to preserve the inherent goodness of humanity. To truly believe that kindness, love and grace were indeed implicit facets of human nature.

BUT...

Sadly...IT IS true.

To be fair though, I have not completely come to agree with the morose and generally pessimistic masses that seem to enjoy getting others to buy into their dark outlook on humankind. I have formulated my own revised rendition.

To begin I must affirm that, YES... we are all just creatures of our own self interest. We are simply bred and trained early as calves to pursue our own self desires. To exist for our own existence. We really are no different from the cyclical life of the next animal on the food chain. Just like all cubs we are dependent upon others for a given period of time, suckling all that we can to satisfy our own natural needs. Relying, taking, surviving…as others have done before in order to continue living.

There is however, at some point in the human life, a divergence. A departure from the animalistic path. A gleaming difference between human and animal. A hominal distinction from the lion, the vulture, and the bear.

...It is at the very moment when man or woman puts themselves second to someone else. When a mother, brother, sister of friend acts not out of the basic beastly instinct of self. This is when one when one becomes something more than their animalistic self, where one evolves.

For some it is learned early in life. While others may struggle and have de-evolutionary lapses from time to time. And sadly there are those beasts who will parade as humans for the remainder of their life. Never becoming fully human. This ability, or rather, this superior evolutionary gift should be recognized rightly as a unique genetic adaptation and should be used more widely and with more frequency. If this unselfish gene is our distinction; if we are able to demonstrate our superordination; if we are able to willingly choose and use our human spirit and not our human nature… then I will be the first in line to acknowledge the animal inside of me, but to provoke the human.